Isla's Birth Story

Some of the language in here may be different than you are used to. We took a Hypnobabies class, which teaches connotations associated with certain words. I use phrases like "birthing time" and "pressure waves." In mainstream terms, that is labor and contractions. :)

It was August 20th 2012, I was almost a week past my "due date." Nothing felt comfortable at this point. The bathroom was my second home. I started counting how many times I would pee before flushing the toilet out of guilt for personally draining the Tennessee River. Travis and I went to my best friend's  house for dinner that night. The plan was to eat and walk around the park in the front of her house. We all had a common goal of getting this baby out. I walked & sat on one of those springy animals that moves in all directions when you put your weight to one side. You know the ones where you put your feet on the side and bounce around? Yeah, pretty ridiculous looking for an extremely pregnant woman, and it probably wasn't all that safe either. Ashley (my friend) was determined to help get things started. Before leaving her house, she rubbed Do Terra oregano essential oil on my ankle. Oregano oil can help induce labor. 

At home, I decided to bounce on an exercise ball before bed. I could feel Isla's head pushing against my pubic bone during the last month of pregnancy. I thought maybe if I bounced enough her head would hit just right and break my water. This is not medically accurate, but picturing it brought hope. I tried to think differently though, on purpose, that I would go around 42 weeks.

I got up from not sleeping around 1 a.m. that night & felt this strange POP while peeing, and the water was not stopping. It truly felt like a water balloon had just popped. I yelled for Travis, and actually got up to yell at him, but quickly realized this was not a smart idea. I saw light pink & mucus  in the water so I knew something was up. I called my doula with the news, and asked some questions about what I was seeing. She told me to stand on the tile floor and see if it puddled (just to make sure it was my water). It puddled. I  was not having pressure waves at all at this point. She said this was unusual, usually women have pressure waves before their water breaks. I had not noticed anything. About twenty minutes later, after dragging out my bags, and claiming I was going to go back to sleep, everything started, and when it started, it STARTED. The fluid kept leaking, and that cushion was no longer present. Travis was on the phone with our doula while I was working through the pressure. It became intense rather quickly. We put the exercise ball in the shower with the warm water hitting my lower back. The pressure was mostly in my back, I had what people refer to as back labor. This happens depending on the position of the baby.The warm water was the best relief, and the pressure waves were not letting up long enough to walk around or carry on conversation. Travis remembered to hand me water or watermelon between waves to stay hydrated. We learned this from Hypnobabies class :). 

When everything started. I found leaning over the ball to help.

In the shower on the exercise ball. I would suggest putting a towel on the forehead in this position. The warm water helped the pressure, especially in the back. This is a great position when having back labor. 

The doula arrived at the house, I do not remember when, and brought reassurance that everything was going well. My doula, the one I had been talking to throughout my pregnancy, was attending another birth. I did not know who she sent over, and this made me very nervous. I thought surely my doula would come soon, no one told me any different. I had anxiety at this point, my doula knew everything I wanted, my fears, my desires, and the other hundred things I had discussed with her. She was a midwife as well so I felt comfortable knowing she had delivered a lot of babies. I am an organized person, calling her as soon as I found out I was pregnant. I knew I needed the guidance. Birth had always scared me. I wanted children, but I had something huge knew I would need help first. The thought brought anxiety, wanting children, a family, but knowing I would have to face a fear I had been dealing with practically my whole life. I will discuss more of this in another post, but I will give it to you in short:

Since around 5 years old, because of a traumatic event, I developed hemophobia. This is basically a fear of blood. It started out where I would pass out when seeing blood, then escalated into a needle phobia as well, and then intensified to where I would pass out when discussing blood. You have no idea how much this changes life until you have the issue. It is a problem, a big one, that influenced a lot of decisions and experiences in life. I have tried dealing with it several times, but nothing ever worked. My doula advised going to a hypnobabies class to learn to relax, and put myself in a type of self-hypnosis. I was wary, as I am always doubtful of anything taking over my mind, but was willing, as this was the biggest fear I had when it came to birth. So, with that said, my doula knew all of these details. She knew I was refusing an IV or hep-lock at the hospital, and she knew I was willing to fight for it. She knew that I did not want medicine, wanted to hold my baby as long as desired after birth, did not want her vaccinated with Hep-B, given vitamin k, or erythromycin (eye ointment). She knew I wanted to show up to the hospital as late as possible to avoid antibiotics for Step-B. This doula, as far as I knew, did not know any of this, and that terrified me. My doula knew my birth plan, my midwife, my back-up OB, what to do if I did pass out, and I felt comfortable with her personality. I trusted her to help guide me through the process. My husband was there, and he knew all of this too, but my doula was there to guide me in ways he could not. She knew what positions worked for what purpose. I was counting on that, I was prepared for that, but I was not prepared for someone else. I never once thought during my pregnancy about someone else attending the birth.

I still sometimes think about how this impacted my birthing experience. You learn, probably in most any birthing class, that things do not always go as expected. I understood that, but did not prepare myself for a different support system, nor did I think about how much it would impact my birthing experience. It was not my doula's fault, and after hearing about her situation that day, at the other birth, I felt guilty for wishing so badly that she could have been there. I did learn that having a supportive birth team is extremely important. Those people need to match your personality, and understand your desires. Next time, I will prepare myself for a change in support team. I now know that I am not the type of person who deals with surprises or change gracefully. 

Trying to get dressed to leave for the hospital. 

To continue on, I knew I was getting close around 7am. It felt like the way I had heard transition described. The doula checked dilation externally during a pressure wave. She thought I was around 8cm dilated.We arrived at the hospital around 8am. I do not remember walking in, but I remember falling to my knees in the elevator during a pressure wave. We arrived at the birthing center at Erlanger East. I was not ready to fight, although in my head I kept thinking that I may have to. I knew these nurses were used to passiveness, more mainstream people, and following their protocol. I also knew that this was my birth, and I had every right to make the decisions for my experience. They were here for the small chance of an emergency, that's all. The rest of this is all kind of a blur. I am actually going off of what Travis told me happened once in the triage room. I do remember the nurse asking to check me. I said no. She claimed she had to check to see if I was in labor in order to get a room. Huh? Seriously? I said something along the lines of, "are you kidding me, I am obviously in labor, and you are lying, I need a room." They issued a nurse, and my lovely nurse made a point to tell me on the way to the room that she had 5 babies naturally (I think they did this on purpose, I'm glad they did), and I told her I did not want an IV or a hep-lock. She said that I may have an issue with that, but I told her to give me whatever papers I needed to sign, and I never heard anything about it again. Whew! I stripped down again, and took my exercise ball into the shower. My midwife arrived and sat with me in the bathroom. I clung to her and her student midwife, they were familiar, I knew them, and for the most part, my midwife knew what I wanted. I soon started pushing.

Just born! The nurses were supportive of bonding time.

I arrived at the hospital 9cm dilated, and Isla was born at 4pm. My body was tense, she would not pass the pubic bone. I remember pushing for what seemed like forever, and I also remember looking at the clock, not to check the time, but I realized  everything was getting blurry. I had been awake for almost 2 days. Tiredness kicked in, my body was exhausted, and I could no longer clearly hear the people around me. I looked to the student midwife, and felt like she understood, like she was the only one who understood. The nurse was telling me to continue pushing, and I did, but discouragement set in. I had come this far, pushed for eight hours, and there was no way I was getting a cesarian. She had to come out, and she eventually did. I ended up having a forceps birth. She was not passing the pubic bone. I blame this partly on position, exhaustion, and my tense body. I tried to remember what positions work best to guide baby down, so I leaned over the back of the bed with my knees on the bed and arms over the raised part of the bed. This did not work, or maybe I did not do it long enough. At this point it was difficult to think for myself. Travis was out of it, tired, in shock, not sure, but he was not saying much. I was not sure what to do, I couldn't think, and I felt very unsupported at this point. 

Such an amazing experience. 

Daddy's finger

Daddy's hand

6 lbs 13 oz

My OB, Dr. Seeber, was incredible. He knew to let the cord pulse, and he didn't have Travis cut it for a long time. She was still attached the whole time he was doing repair. This may have been around 30 minutes or more, not sure, but there was no rush, I appreciated that. Isla latched on like a pro. She nursed until she was content. The nurses didn't give me much of a problem with refusing the vaccine or vitamin k. I had oral vitamin k with me, which we administered ourselves. I signed some papers, answered some question, that was it. 

I could have had her without forceps, but it happened the way it happened. I also didn't have the Hypnobabies birth I wanted to have, but it was my first, I got through it naturally, and she was born a healthy, beautiful baby girl. I held her for a long time. She was perfect, with a head of hair like her mommy. I was incredibly in love, and Travis was beyond amazed at our little baby girl resting her head on my chest. I say she was healthy, and people may think that is all that matters, and I am beyond thankful for her health, but a woman's birth experience matters. It can be a struggle, it can bring a lot of mixed emotions, and can repeat itself a million times after the birth. Call it post-partum depression, or call it PTSD...not sure if it needs a label because I think it's different for every woman. Our country needs to start taking care of women better after they have children. There is not enough support post-partum. This is something we all need to strive towards and demand as women.

I came to find out later that my midwife, who I believe to be naturally minded, had acted in frustration when leaving the room. My best friend saw it, and told me she even mentioned prepping for a cesarian. At one point during the birth I remember her checking her phone, telling the student midwife to text her husband something about soccer equipment, she sounded frustrated. This was not like my midwife. She was on my side throughout the pregnancy, for the most part. One of her babies was a home birth, I knew she was aware of how important the birth experience is to a woman. Her behavior during this time still confuses me. A midwife or OB working in a practice may feel rushed because they have appointments waiting at the office. Since I was fully dilated for so long, she was with me all day. This is rushed feeling is a problem, and I see the benefit of having a midwife outside of a busy practice to avoid this. She is normally an awesome woman to work with, though, and I would not hesitate to use her again if I had a hospital birth. 

PEACE

I would like to add something to my birth story simply because it impacted my experience. I debated having a home birth, but I wanted to have my first in the hospital. But, the nurses at Erlanger East deserve some recognition, at least some of them. My delivery nurse, Gale, was so surprisingly supportive. We had conversations about natural birth after Isla was born. She was wonderful. My night nurse, Shannon, was beyond comforting. She had a nice demeanor about her. These women are awesome. I probably will not have another baby there, just because I want a more natural setting, and would not birth without a tub next time, but I must give those nurses some recognition for their respect and encouragement. It was the last thing I expected. And I even forgot to bake them an unhealthy snack :).

I plan on explaining our choices for Isla in another post. I believe it is important for new parents to educate themselves from the start about birth and newborn practices. This is the time when you become a parent. From this point, you make choices for the health of your child. These choices matter. It's important to be wise and mindful when making these decisions. This baby is an individual, he or she has to live with the decisions you make for them - some of them, for life. I do understand, not everyone is the same, and not everyone has the same mindset. Some people believe in vaccinations, some are strongly against, some are just wary. Some people are meant to have a home birth, some are not, and some should go natural, and some should not. People believe strongly in different areas, I absolutely respect that. I do not respect, though, making decisions for another life because it is easy, or because you were told it is the right way. I respect those who make decisions after determining the reasons why they are making it, after researching all sides of the issue. I am not here to judge, but I would like to help educate on these matters. We can all become more mindful of the choices we make. 

She was upset during her bath until having her hair brushed

Leaving the hospital

I'll post soon about postpartum recovery, newborn practices, & my experience dealing with hemophobia during pregnancy and birth.

I Don't Even Like Granola

I am renaming this blog, as my life has changed significantly since starting it. The life before my now six month old daughter was born seems distant. On a holiday trip to Gatlinburg, after feeling sick for weeks, I took a pregnancy test. I thought it was hormonal, but never really thought the cause would be pregnancy. Sitting on the bathroom floor, I called my best friend, after telling my husband, and cried. I knew I would be facing fears I've been dealing with throughout my life, and the thought was terrifying. I was sick, but now I was really sick. It hit me, like my body knew that I knew, and my "morning" sickness (aka all day and night sickness) took over. Life has changed significantly since that moment in the mountains of Tennessee.

This blog will be about pregnancy, babies, post-partum dilemmas, joys, the lights of my life, food, health, things I have researched, kids, parents, moral choices, life, and whatever else may come my way. Starting this blog again has crossed my mind a million times since giving birth. There is so much I want to share, and so much I have learned and want or need to share. In this day and age, we expect to get online and have all the answers to every question we may have. I learned quickly that this is not always the case. I did a lot of internet searching while pregnant and after have Isla, and sometimes there was not an answer, or no one to relate to. I want to share about those things. Not just for myself, but for others who may type the same questions expecting someone to relate to. 

Naming this blog was difficult. Every name I tried was taken. I chose "Semi-Crunchy Momma" after laughing hysterically at the video "S*** Crunchy Mama's Say." I really don't consider myself all that "crunchy" by definition, but if you were to ask the more mainstream people in my life I am sure they would tell you that I am totally crunchy. My crunchier friends would tell you that I am more mindful and a little crunchy. I'll be posting about the things that make me a little more granola & other things that would make hardcore granolas gasp in shock and disappointment, but this is who I am, and these are the choices I have made for myself and my family, mindfully.